It was horribly sad to watch because he could not look at us. I was gay. I left my Facebook logged on, after having a conversation with someone about my sexuality. My mom read a conversation that no parent would want to see. I was in a state of shock, and caught completely off guard. I was embarrassed for myself. I felt like a disgrace. How people would treat me. How society would have an impact on me. How to be confident in myself. How to love myself. How to be myself. The hardest part was accepting myself, and by the time my parents found out, I was still not even close to doing so.
It was so hard knowing that so many people in the country, or in the world for that matter, look down upon people like me. All I wanted was to be treated normal. A little known but widely accepted fact among mothers of gay kids:. We grieve for the life we thought our children were going to have, and we are saddened by the obstacles we know they will face. We can look ahead to what struggles await them and prematurely worry about how they will survive it all.
You are in college. Chances are your parents will want you to complete school before you marry. This may be a challenging point of negotiation. Know that it is common for parents to want their children to get grounded academically and financially before marriage. If you make a different choice, be prepared to sort it out over time. It is more likely about making sure you are ready to fully step into adulthood.
They enjoy what they receive and then move on without that important act of acknowledgment. Christmas is coming, and I want them to take this seriously.
What strategy can I use to be successful? Choose your moment. All families have times that are right for talking and these are usually better than trying to create a moment. Sometimes events make this choice for you. When something is on your mind, it can build up to such a point that it simply spills out.
Let it happen. Your subconscious mind often knows best about these things. Also, be prepared for one of your parents making the first approach. They may have found something that alarms them, or feel that you have something on your mind. You will be caught off guard and feel trapped. When you tell your parents you are gay, always be sure that it is coming from a place of love, not from anger or resentment.
You may even want to preface the conversation with a statement expressing that you are telling them this because you love them and want to be closer with them and hope for them to know and understand you better. This initial conversation is not the best time to express your own doubts or concerns about being gay because it will likely only fuel your parents' anxieties and also make it seem like you are not fully sure of the certainty of your news.
We have found that parents often try to "talk their children out of being gay" as a first response so a good way to avoid that is by using a positive and affirming tone when you are discussing this with them.
It may be hard for your heteronormative parents to know how to be the best parent to a gay child because they may have had very little if any experience with gay people in general. Being a parent is the hardest job in the world and your parents may not have peers they can turn to for parenting advice like they have in the past. Even parents who have the best intentions will frequently "get their lines wrong" and say something unintentionally offensive and hurtful.
When that happens, rather than respond with anger, try and engage in a calm conversation in which you explain to them what you need to hear from them and how they can make you feel loved and accepted in the family. In our experience, many parents do have unconditional love for their children, but aren't always able to express that in a way that is clear. After you have had an initial conversation in which you share your news, and you have given your parents some time to digest and process this new information about your identity, you can share with them the steps that you went through frequently including denial, guilt, fear, anger, shame, loss, and, ultimately, acceptance and give them tips regarding how you worked through some of these difficult feelings.
We have found that in many cases, the child's journey tends to mirror the parents' journey. Since you have been on this path for longer than they have, you have the benefit of time and wisdom and, in this case, can educate your parents.
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